It’s one thing to go through life believing that a thing called ‘Love’ is something that could find me in a genuine manner and form, and sweep me off my feet before I live happily ever after like all the Disney princesses have.

Well, it doesn’t exactly work like that, or at least, it didn’t work out that way for me. But I certainly found my Prince Charming, and the person I’ve truly chosen to spend the rest of my life with. And it’s the best feeling I have ever experienced.

Today just so happens to be our one year anniversary, and in honour of that, this post is a celebration of Love – in all of its glorious beauty. I’ve had my fair share of experiences in the department of Love, but this one – this one right here supersedes them all! Never have I felt so safe and secure in my vulnerability nor have I met someone who is dedicated towards creating a space where it is safe for us both to be who we are without fear or judgement.

I just have to sing praises for the man that God put on my path because he is everything I’ve ever prayed for, so much more than I hoped for, and truly the epitome of God’s love.

I found him… the love of my life, and I can’t tell you enough what a glorious feeling this is.

It’s undeniably wild that I look back at my life and remember a time where I really believed that I would never see this day. I think that deep within us all – and whether we like it or not – we yearn for companionship. We yearn to not go through this life thing along; I mean, why would you want to? Life is all the more beautiful with people in it – from work colleagues to close friends, family and life partners.

It’s undeniably wild that I look back at my life and remember when I felt so unworthy and undeserving of Love. It makes me laugh now because the Love I am experiencing now has always been within me; I just thought that it had to be found outside of me…

I know now that that was never the case, and I forgive myself for once thinking that way (because I used to feel so sad about it but there is great power in learning to forgive yourself for the things you didn’t know then – there’s a great deal of Love in that).

I found him… the love of my life, and in the year that we have been together, I have rediscovered beautiful parts of myself and fallen in love with who I am, and the phenomenal woman I am becoming. My relationship has made me face myself – the good and ugly – and really challenged previous notions I had about love and what it’s like to be someone’s life partner.

Gosh, I sit and write this with so much love in my heart because…

I found him… the love of my life, and I truly am in the most beautiful phase of my life. And I have a good feeling that it really will only get better from here.

Love and Light

Well – hello, hello! It definitely feels like I haven’t been on this blog in quite some time… Because I actually haven’t been on this blog for quite some time (November 2021 to be exact).

While I have been away, I’ve settled into a new Marketing role, adapting to a new phase of my relationship with my partner, and working on the Imposter Syndrome I’ve been dealing with (which lead to me getting a tattoo… there’s a YouTube video on that).

As 2021 was coming to a close, I had such an odd but strong desire to get away from the Cape Town city centre on New Years Eve. Perhaps it’s because I’ve done the ‘stay up until the clock strikes midnight’ scenario, with friends and family and booze and a good time. However, this time around, I had the powerful urge to put myself in a space that was going to be as peaceful as I could afford. I wanted to be far away from the city and in a place where I would be surrounded by nature, listen to the stillness of my inner being, and step into the New Year with the most serene feeling I’ve ever felt.

So, I did a quick search on Booking.com, found a lovely hotel in Durbanvilled called Meerendal Wine Estate, and booked two nights for my partner and I to cross over into 2022.

This all happened a week before the 1st of January.

I don’t have the exact words for the bliss I experienced on New Years Eve, but my goodness, watching The Fate of the Furious while in a comfortable bed and eating some of my favourite snacks felt like a dream for me. Some might consider that as a boring way to spend New Years Eve. I call that ‘doing whatever makes me happy and not feeling guilty about it.’

New Years Day was as equally blissful, because it rained for most of the day, which gave me an opportunity to rest in the silence of nature (and welcome the blessings that were surely raining down on me; symbolic, isn’t it?). I felt so at ease that day, so content with my life, and proud of myself for choosing to do what I wanted to do – which was find the peace that I wanted to experience. And I did, but once I returned home the following day, I realised that there was more to my initial yearning to find peace at Meerendal on 31 December 2021.

You see, it was my soul – the inner depths of my being – that so gently, but loudly, said that ‘peace’ is what I need more of in 2022. I need to start being at peace with myself, the experiences I have and the circumstances I find myself in. I need to start finding my sweet spot inside of myself, that nirvana, that I can always go home to when life hands me a few lemons.

This reminds me of a pivotal moment in my life. During my final year of varsity, I remember making a decision that many would have called ‘madness’ – I stepped down as SRC President of my college during the first term. I mean, who would want to give up such a title? It looks good on your CV, and surely gets you a few brownie points in life. However, I still chose to step down and away from that role. Why?

Because I was aiming for top marks to get into Honours at the University of Cape Town the following year, I was working a part-time job, I was building my personal brand, and discovering myself in new ways (not to mention, I also wanted to get better at photographer). So much demanded my attention at the time, and something just had to give in order for me to stay sane. There was just too much on my plate, and I was at a point where my body would choose to shut down for me if I couldn’t stop and slow down.

After a heartfelt conversation with my mother that year, she gave me the best advice that a mom could give. “Make peace your priority. Make decisions for yourself that will always give you the most peace, even if that means letting other people down.”

I’ll never forget her words, nor the sweet peace that filled me as soon as I made the internal decision to step down as SRC President. I could feel the delicious air fill my lungs again, I could feel the sweet beating of my heart, and I could feel that this decision was the right thing for me to do.

Mom was right back then, and she’s still right today. As I step into 2022, I realised that feeling the peace that I did at Meerendal was the physical manifestation of what I want to feel throughout this entire year. I truly want so much peace for myself, and to be at peace with everything that I do. I want to embody and embrace peace in every facet of my life. Career. Friendships. Relationships. Personal Life. And more. 

So, I’m making peace my priority this year, and working on living my best life holistically. I’m going to be a healthier person, I’ll take care of my mind and learn to enjoy more experiences that life has to offer. Above all, though, I’m going to be the most peaceful person I know, and I hope you have something that you will prioritise for yourself in 2022.

Can you believe it? We’re in the second last month of 2021 and while this year has been both fast and slow, I’m in awe of how time has flown by. Now, it’s that time of the year where I start to reflect back on some key moments from 2021 and man, what a year!

Love Found Me

Maybe it wasn’t so much about love finding me, but rather opening myself to the possibility of love just one more time. I have had my fair share of heartbreak and pain, and quite frankly, I was ready to just accept that perhaps I am meant to be alone in this world.

This doesn’t quite match my heart’s desires – I want a forever love, and a husband and a family and to be a soccer mom – but I was ready to accept that maybe all I will ever experience when it comes to genuine love is just that; a desire and nothing more. But boy, was I wrong!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Khalipha Ntloko | Marketer. Creator. Photographer (@khalipha_ntloko_)

I am grateful for the 1% of my heart not wanting to give up on love. There’s a Maya Angelou quote about trusting love one more time, and always one more time. Words cannot begin to express just how much I am glad I took these words to heart earlier this year. Because the moment I opened myself to trusting love again, it found me in the most perfect form in the most incredible human being I have ever met.

Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.

Maya angelou

Of course, love comes with challenging you to grow and evolve and unlearn so many things while relearning new things that will help the uniqueness of a relationship. I’ve come to learn how wrong the movies are about parts of love, that unconditional love is possible, that you really do need to let go and love wholeheartedly and without reservation.

This isn’t always easy, but it is so worth it, and I hope that you will experience a love as beautiful, fulfilling, wholesome, and downright eloquently written by God himself. You truly deserve to experience it.

From Junior to Manager

At the start of this year, I had been a Junior Content Marketer at a global media intelligence. Now, I cannot believe (but am also so incredibly proud to say) that I managed to get a new job as a Digital Marketing and Communications Manager at a fintech company. The career (and financial) glow up is REAL!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Khalipha Ntloko | Marketer. Creator. Photographer (@khalipha_ntloko_)

It’s been a long road towards getting to this point in my career. I’ve thought about where I want to be, how to get there and who I want to surround myself with on my way to what I want. This part of my life revealed how important it is to have the right people in my corner, people who could help me think logically because, as an emotional individual, I’m prone to making decisions that don’t always involve my mind.

I also learnt the important art of patience, and working in unison with the Universe to get into a particular frequency that matches the outcome I wanted (which was to get a new job). Call it ‘manifestation’ or ‘prayer’ but I had faith that my time would come when I would be called to do something bigger than the job I found myself doing before 1 October 2021.

As cool as Digital Marketing and Communications Manager sounds incredible, I really am more proud of how I decided to just go for this role. I mean, I was a junior and here I was, daring to step it up about 50 notches. And it paid off in the end.

Now, one month into my new job and I feel so at peace and confident that I can do this. That I am doing well and that I have everything I need to succeed in this new role. I can’t wait to see just how far this role will take me, and the growth I’m bound to experience.

Dealing with Imposter Syndrome in my Creativity

It has been a rollercoaster year when it comes to my creative work. From working with Orms and Canon South Africa, to getting nominated for a Womandla Arts in STEM Award, I am so grateful for the creative endeavours I have pursued, and the sweet rewards that have come my way as a product of my gratitude.

But if I am being honest, this year has also been one of the toughest when it comes to dealing with Imposter Syndrome. Sometimes, more times than I admit really, I feel like I’m not doing enough or not nearly as ahead as I would like to be.

Throughout this year, I’ve wondered just how impactful my work is, if I feel like I am living out my personal values of inspiring, motivating and educating. Sigh… I’ve been going through a fair bit this year, cried at how unimportant I feel in the creative space, and thought out quitting it all and just disappearing into my own little world.

Of course, I’ve worked through most of these feelings and I am slowly getting my confidence back, but it takes constant work. I really does because Imposter Syndrome just isn’t this switch that I can turn off.

I recently got my second tattoo, the words ‘I AM WORTHY’ are now forever marked on my inner arm. I’m so glad I have this because it serves as a reminder that indeed, I am worthy of everything I want in life, especially when it comes to my creative work.

I’d been feeling so hopeless and useless and uninspired; this tattoo has been a reminder that it is okay to go through these types of emotions. I’m human after all, but these feelings don’t take away from the fact that I have done some incredible work in the creative industry, that I’ve gone above and beyond to accomplish goals I never thought I could (a Glamour Magazine feature!!). It’s all okay to feel these lows but they don’t take away from the very high fact that I am worthy.

So, hello November

So as October is behind me and I step into November, I am nothing but hopeful and optimistic that I will finish this year strong (and that the definition of ‘strong’ will be tailored just for me). I welcome this new month with a renewed sense of not losing sight of doing the things I love.

It’s been one long, slow, and whiplashing year, but I choose to focus on the beautiful, the positive, and I dwell in knowing that November (and even December) will be magical.