This post is long overdue. I’ve been meaning to write this post but life has naturally gotten me all wired up in more ways than I can imagine. But, I always knew that I wanted to write this up. And so here it finally is…
After doing something completely out of my comfort zone, I took a good and long minute to assess what the experience actually taught me. See, it was on the 20th of July when I boarded a British Airways plane to Johannesburg to go see someone incredibly special to me for the day. Yes, I went to go see one person for one day, and I flew across the country to do it!
Spontaneity is Good
So maybe this trip took a little more planning to truly call this a ‘spontaneous’ adventure, but it sure was a crazy thing to do, and I’m glad I did it.
It’s not very often that I get to do things that spice up my life in interesting ways. And while a random trip to Joburg is about as much spice as I can handle for a moment, the beauty of this trip taught me that I really need to loosen up and allow myself to do things out of my usual routine.
Admittedly, I like some kind of structure in my life. I like to have some kind of plan in place. So when it came time to plan for this trip, I took the last bit of cash that I had, booked a return ticket and my accommodation and just went with the flow of things.
The one constant in life is the fact that it changes, and I believe that this means that I need to be adaptable and flexible to these changes. So this is where spontaneity comes in, and that it’s okay to let life throw you some curve balls (they will come anyway). I think spontaneity is good because this is where a lot of character growth and personal development happens. Here I was, structure-loving Khalipha, booking a flight for the day and disruptive my usual routine to meet someone who would help me find my feet again.
Do Whatever You Need To Do For Your Healing
So the actual purpose of this trip was to meet Hakeem Anderson-Lesolang, author of 200 Truths About Love and host of his own podcast show. One of the biggest struggles I tried to deal with was getting ghosted. It’s a weird and sad phenomenon that a lot of people experience. I don’t particularly like the fact that it was something that I had to go through, but I don’t regret that I went through it because here I am, still standing.
Taking this trip was the biggest act I’ve made when it comes to my healing. I was incredibly hurt from getting ghosted, and my entire outlook on love (and to some extent, myself), changed completely. I despised how I let one silly boy, who was unable to appreciate the love I had, get the better of me. I hated how I let this person change my perception. But I also hated myself for allowing this all in the first place.
See, the thing about life is that we make all these choices and we are entirely responsible for these choices. As much as I chose to let this person in, I needed to choose myself and the healing I needed so that I could move on with my life.
As crazy as one flight is to get the healing I needed, this was an act of saying that I will do whatever I need to do to move myself from a place of despair to a place of peace. No one else could have made such a choice for me, so I encourage you to take the necessary steps towards your healing and overall health. Take care of yourself. Step back when you need a break. Give yourself moments to breath when you feel like you can’t.
Remember, You’re Worthy of Love
This is still a lesson in progress actually.
Going to Joburg and speaking to Hakeem was what I needed to do. No friend or family member could understand the inner workings of what I was experiencing, and so only he could really make me listen by giving me some tough love…
And while I still struggle to accept this and truly believe it in the depths of my soul, I know that I am worthy of love and my trip to Joburg was that reminder.
It’s a lot easier to believe the negative of a situation sometimes – to tell yourself how unworthy and undeserving you are of love based off of someone else’s actions saying that. But that’s all it really is – their actions, which only reflect their own character. It has nothing to do with you.
While I knew this was going to be a tough pill to swallow on my flight to Joburg, it was undeniably satisfying to also know that Hakeem was being as truthful and honest as he always is. Knowing that I had someone who wanted nothing more than to see me thrive on the other side of the pain that was my roadblock, gave me the reassurance to believe him when he said “Khalipha, you are worthy of love.”
If there is another thing you should take away from this post, it is to surround yourself with people who genuinely want to see you win. I’ll forever be grateful to Hakeem for being that light for me in my moment of darkness, and I encourage you to do the same. I don’t have a wide circle of friends but the few that I do have, I know that I can trust them to be little lights in my life and truthfully remind me of the value I have.
It may seem silly, or a great idea, to take a flight to a different city that’s provinces away, but it was what I needed to do to get back to being the woman I know I am and who I am becoming. It’s not so much the flight to Joburg that I hope inspires you – rather, the brave act of being spontaneous enough to do what I needed to do to heal and remember how worthy I am.
May this post encourage or inspire you to take your own brave, bold act towards doing the same for you!
Love & Light,
Khalipha Ntloko 